17...Dancing Queen

J turned 17 recently.  I know, it's hard to believe, especially since I am only 25. 

Last night, we had a late birthday get-together for her with our beloved Nanni at Portillo's.  It was a lot of fun.  The food was good, but mostly I loved watching Nanni with the two girls.  She has been there for them from the get-go, through everything.  The milestones, the ups and downs of life, the silly times, the not-so-silly times.  She takes such delight in these girls and has loved them fiercely since the beginning.  For our little family, Nanni has been a bastion of unconditional love, the impact of which we cannot express into words.  As the girls get older, their relationship with Nanni will evolve even more and someday I imagine them ringing her on the phone, separately, to take her out to lunch, or to meet up for coffee, or to catch the special Dr. Who movie....and nothing would make her happier.

As for J, she loves telling people that she is now the Dancing Queen.  You know, from the Abba song:

You are the dancing queen 

Young and sweet 

Only seventeen

Dancing queen

It makes me laugh every time she says this not just because it's funny, but because it's clever, cheeky, impish.  It encapsulates who she is at this moment in time. 

This girl of mine, we're so much alike in so many ways, yet so very different in others.  We're equally stubborn and sensitive, which means we often butt heads and drive each other Crazy (yes, note the capital 'C').  But you will just as easily find us dissolving into fits of giggles from our own silliness.  She's an impish teaser.  She can make me bust out laughing just by wiggling her eyebrows a certain way, and she uses this knowledge to her advantage in 'serious' situations. 

In a word, she can be delightful.  It's a description teachers often use on report cards, or how others sometimes describe her, but this year I've truly found it so.  Yes, there are the trying times and the standard, uphill parent/daughter squabbles regarding her room, helping with chores, realizing her own potential, overreliance on electronics, etc., but the silly, sweet moments far outweigh any of the other stuff.  

She's still slightly reserved in many social situations so not everyone gets to see this side of her.  Sometimes I wish she would let her guard down more, so more people could see the real her, but then I remember that everything comes in its own time.  For now, her tribe is small but loyal.  And I'm grateful.

Other things:

...she loves cooing over cute kids, especially babies.

...she loves going to the mall in part to ogle (and possibly pet) the cute puppies.

...she loves discovering new music.  On her playlist now is Alanis Morissette.

...she loves classic things. Seriously.  For example:

• current favorite car:  red VW Beetle convertible (sorry old love Corvette)

• current favorite Pinterest/Etsy/Ebay finds:  vintage or vintage-inspired tea sets

• period dresses in any Jane Austen movie, specifically, the dresses worn by Emma in the 2009 BBC adaptation (the one where Jonny Lee Miller plays Mr. Knightley)

• loves classic rock and shares a love for the Beatles with her dad, including the Beatles parody movie, The Rutles

• loves Monty Python movies (a love she also shares with her dad and, recently, with little sis)

• loves Jane Austen novels and movies (shares this love with me! Yay!)

...she is developing a love for almost all things French.  I'm so grateful for the two wonderful French teachers she's had in high school.  They've helped open her eyes to French culture, French cuisine (note: she did not fancy frog legs or escargot in Paris last year), cinema, fashion.  She even switched her phone to French settings.  She is in 3rd year French but this semester her French teacher asked her to be the TA for her 2nd year students.  Ouais!

...she loves musicals and has introduced K and me to so many different types.  One of K's favorite songs is from Phantom of the Opera.  J introduced us to the magic of Lin Manuel-Miranda's Hamilton and I would say for a good year or so we had the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat.  Her grandma surprised her with Hamilton tickets last year.  I should have videotaped her reaction.  They caught the show in Chicago, just the two of them, and they had a really wonderful time. 

...she and her friends love to sing.  This year she was part of a fun barbershop quartet with three friends and they knocked their rendition of "Under the Boardwalk" out of the park at competition this winter.

...she is a loyal friend and has loyal friends.  Middle school and high school can be so trying.  She's found a small group of friends who seem to really get each other.  

...her favorite home-cooked foods are:

• Pasta y Fagioli soup (Cosimo & Susie recipe)
• Tomato orecchiette salad
• Chicken parmesan 
• Grilling by dad
• Dad's meatloaf with brown sugar/ketchup glaze
• Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft, Pasta Roni White Cheddar Shells and Cheese)
• Any desserts by Grandma or Megan
• Grandma's lasagna with Grandpa's sauce
• Mandu

...her favorite drinks are:

• Mountain Dew (regular & Baha Blast)
• Twinings black tea
• Apple Juice (Martinelli or regular Martin's Supermarket brand)
• Ginger Ale (Canada Dry)

...her favorite snacks are:

• Popcorn
• Brie or camenbert cheese and crackers

...she has a renewed interest and zeal for cooking and baking.  She and little sis love to watch the cooking shows on the Food Network, like Chopped or Cupcake Wars.  

...her favorite actor (I would say) is Tom Hiddleston (I think she has a thing for Brits).

...she is really good at creating things with her phone.  I think this is generational.  I'm sure all of her friends are the same.  But she literally created a poster for a class project all from various apps on her phone.  And it looks really professional! I'm gonna try to get her to teach me some of the stuff she knows. ;)

...she is AMAZING at voice impressions.  Seriously!  She gets tired of me asking her to please do her Julia Child voice again but, I kid you not, it cracks me up every.single.time.  She cracks her friends up, too, so it's not just me being biased.  Ask her to do her Delores Umbridge impression -- or better yet, Umbridge's mother or Voldemort -- from A Very Potter Musical (a musical parody of the Harry Potter books).  She will surprise you.  It's hi-lar-i-ous.

...she sometimes calls me 'Mierma' in a Russian accent -- usually when she wants something  and is trying to soften me up   -.-

And, finally, her "favorite" quote from me (often my response when she asks me for yet another thing):  "I birthed you, I'm pretty sure that's enough."

Somehow I'm always met with eye rolls when I say this.

J, if you ever read this, all these things and more make you so very interesting and delightfully fun.  Stay true to yourself.  Laugh as much as you can.  Let things go.  Choose love.  Forgive.  Avoid perfectionism.  Dream, but then take action.  Fail fast and often so you can learn what worked and what didn't.  Embrace growth mindset versus perfection.  

And, finally, take to heart the words of the comedian, Jim Carrey:

"My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that that was possible for him.  And so he made a conservative choice.  Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. 

I learned many great things from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

2014 Commencement Speech

University of Maharishi University of Management

YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/V80-gPkpH6M 

Much love,

Mierma

And then it was 4 years later...

Why do all of my posts start with, "I can't believe it's been 'x' many months since I've last posted..."

My name is Kari, and it's been 2 years since I last posted (and even then it really wasn't me, it was my daughter).  I first started this blog nine years ago when my youngest was two and a half.  She's now eleven.  My oldest was in 3rd grade, and she's now a junior in high school.  I recently rediscovered this blog and read through all the entries with both girls.  I thought they might be bored, but they LOVED reading about the little versions of themselves.  I so wish I had kept up this blog through the years, even if only a post or two a month.  The memories I could have chronicled....the daily laughs I could have memorialized.

Sigh.

I questioned whether I should restart this blog.  I mean, my kids are getting older.  They are more private.  I'm more private.  My kids love the stories of themselves when they were little, but now...?

Even though they are older, one day they may like looking back at snapshots of their current day selves.  This blog might help fill in some blanks or add a richness to their lives...documented from a different perspective.

So, here I am.  Let's start with yesterday.

Yesterday, my oldest knocks on my bedroom door where my husband and I are talking and asks for the recipe for the Tuna Fish Casserole we were going to have for dinner.  "I'm going to make dinner tonight. You and Dad rest."

She was quite adamant about making dinner herself, so I reeled off the recipe.  Before she left she asked if she could make Dave or I any tea or coffee.

It's moments like these when Dave and I realize that our girls are, in fact, getting older.  J brought me tea in one of the fancy tea cups she scored at a local thrift shop, and brought Dave a cup of steaming coffee.  I didn't know until later that she and K were having tea downstairs as well, using the teapot that K got from Grandma.

It was so nice.

Dinner was delicious.  I washed the dishes.  We watched the first Harry Potter movie (Sorcerer's Stone) and I'm sure I annoyed the girls with how often I exclaimed just how very little and cute Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson were in that very first movie.  But I'm a mom.  I couldn't help thinking how much the actors have grown since, and how both my daughters have grown right along with them.

I have been trying very hard to establish a nighttime routine for myself, similar to the routines I had for the girls when they were little.  I'm trying to unplug at least 30-60 minutes before bed, and to read a little before turning in.  I have been reading Grit by Angela Duckworth.  I caught Angela Duckworth's TedTalk on how a person's 'grit' is a much more accurate predictor of success than talent or passion.  Her findings are based on scientific studies and years of analyzing extremely high achieving individuals.  I'm only a third of the way through, but her findings give me hope that anyone can achieve their self-defined notion of success if they are willing to put in the targeted, purposeful practice/training/work over years of time in furtherance of their goals.  I'm sure I'll write more about this book in coming posts.

Today

Are fish net gloves okay to wear to a Catholic school?  K, my youngest, had a dress down day today.  She came down looking super cute in her rainbow colored skirt, long gray tee and knee-hi white socks.

And then there were the blue fishnet fingerless gloves that went to her elbows. You know, the kind Madonna made super popular in the 80s.

Between you and me, K looked really cute in the gloves, and I could tell she felt they made her outfit.  But I had one of those 'mom' moments.  I didn't want to squelch her funky sense of style, but I also wanted her to dress respectfully.

"Are you sure you're allowed to wear those to school?" I asked. "You know, 'cause it's a Catholic school and all?"

"What's the matter with these gloves?" replied K. "How are they not appropriate?"

She had a good question.  Was there anything that could be inherently disrespectful about fingerless gloves?  Possibly the fact they were fishnet...?  But she got them at Claire's at the mall--a store specifically designed for tweens.

In the end, K wore the gloves to school.  I warned her that if the gloves became a distraction for her at school then she might be asked to take them off.  If she wore them just like she wore her socks or her shirt, then I couldn't imagine a problem.  She happily understood.

The entire time I was having this conversation, I was reminded of all the crazy things I wore to school.  Boxers and t-shirts...yep.  Long underwear under cut off jean skirts...yes.  Sweatshirts with the collars cut out so I could expose a bare, tank-topped shoulder...yes.  In the era of Madonna and Michael Jackson, I sure did don those fishnet hair ribbons and rocked the one fingerless glove look along with the rest of my friends.

The difference is, K's friends don't necessarily dress like her, but she doesn't care.  She owns her style.  And to me, that's what's truly cool.

K, I hope you always follow your own style and embrace being you. You have some really lovely, silly, giggly, crazy, LOUD ;), imaginative, sweet, and fiercely loyal friends who get you and love you for who you are.  Keep them close.  They are your tribe.  Be for them what they are for you.

Remember, friendships, even super close ones, will have ups and downs, but with the right nurturing they can be your friends for life. 

And at the end of the day, it's the relationships you form that will bring you the most happiness.

Life can get crazy, and sometimes you will slip and fall.  You may sometimes feel as if you've forgotten who the "real you" is.

When that happens, just cling tight to your tribe.

We will pick you up and help you dust off your crown.

We will remind you.

XOXOXO,

Mom