The Beginning of Lasts and Not Much Longers

I have a feeling this is going to be a year of 'lasts' and 'not much longers'.

Now that J is a senior, Dave and I are acutely aware that our family is on the cusp of change.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for J.

I imagine her standing in front of a huge picture window looking out at all that could be her future.

We've been talking about colleges, travel, things she'd like to see and do.

We've also been talking through her fears, nervousness and feelings of uncertainty.

She has so many hopes and dreams, and I have so many hopes and dreams for her:

• I hope she moves through life with her eyes and heart wide open.  

• I hope she allows herself to see and experience as much as she can. 

• I hope she opens herself up and gets to know people, and not be afraid to let people get to know her.  

• I hope she remains curious about life and keenly interested in others.

• I hope she develops deep, meaningful friendships that nourish her soul.

• I hope she remembers all who love her, and the gift of truly loving them back.  

• I hope she keeps little sis K always in her heart.

• I hope she finds joy and fun in the little things, wherever she goes.

I find myself becoming more wistful as the days go by.  Like yesterday.

Last night, the girls declared themselves in charge of dinner.  Dave and I were banned from the kitchen so we decided to play a card game at the dining room table. The girls brought us coffee and Dave and I spent the next 30 minutes in a spirited game of Phase 10.

I won the first phase but Dave went out before me in every round after.  By the end, I was two phases behind.  Somehow, Dave always manages to beat me at this game.

We had fun and I was a good sport, although I may have insinuated a couple times just how lucky it was that he had so many wild cards in his hand.  I know, petty, but that's okay.  We both can handle a little light-hearted trash talk.

Our dinner was leftover soft shell chicken tacos from two nights ago.  Jackie reheated the chicken and beans and made a pot of rice.  Kate washed and tore fresh lettuce leaves, and then made pancake batter for herself.  The two chattered away while listening to their favorite tunes on Spotify.

ELO's Mr. Blue Sky is a current favorite, along with Cherry Bomb by The Runaways.

They even treated us to songs they knew we liked, like Bittersweet Symphony from the Verve and November Rain by Guns N Roses for me and an REO Speedwagon song whose title escapes me for Dave.

It's moments like these that send me deep in thought.

Although they can bicker like the best of siblings, K and J are pretty tight.  They dissolve into giggles for no reason.  They sometimes finish each others' thoughts.  They laugh at the same silly vines and memes, you know, the ones that adults roll their eyes at.  They still get excited at movies and popcorn.

I sometimes wonder which memories they will hold on to, and which will fade away.

Will they, as adults, still enjoy making dinner together?  Will they one day say, hey, let's pull up our old Spotify playlist?

Will they go on road trips together to see the places they talked about growing up? They both talk of traveling to South Korea some day to see where their Uncle B and I were born.

What will be going through their minds?

Back from Ireland...

They're back!

J and K skipped across the pond a couple weeks ago with their Grandma for a 7-day bus tour of the Irish coastline.  The three have vacationed together before, but this was the first extended overnight trip sans parental or aunt.  Although K was homesick quite a bit, they all had a wonderful time.

They started and ended in Dublin, exploring a different city each day.  The only exception was Killarney where they happily bunked for two nights at a magnificent hotel overlooking a beautiful lake (aptly named the Lake Hotel).  It was a magical place with its very own ruin no less, and so it seemed just right that they should stumble upon deer grazing at night during their stay.

J and Grandma breathed in the ancientness of Ireland where centuries-old ruins dotted the greenery like old farmhouses in Indiana.

K, being 11, delighted in the jacuzzi in their room at Killarney, the unexpected Kit Kat bar on their tour bus and the storytelling that went into their tour of Smithwick's brewery in Kilkenny (no, she did not sample the ale at the end).  She made friends with a calico cat named Houdini whom she met in a little shop on one of their stops.

I was disappointed to learn that Grandma did not get to kiss the Blarney Stone.  Apparently, there was a huge line and not enough time so they instead explored the gardens and woods of Blarney Castle.  With names like Fairy Glade, Witches' Stone, and Witches' Kitchen, the grounds of Blarney Castle are steeped in folklore, right down to a wishing waterfall.  The waterfall sits at the base of a steep rock staircase and, according to legend, grants the wishes of those brave enough to walk backwards down the steps with their eyes closed.  K made her wish and braved the steps.  When she opened her eyes, she was mildly disappointed to find she still could not fly but chalked it up to 'not doing it right.'

All came back tired but happy to be home.

Sure, there were some trying times and homesickness, but memories of a lifetime were made in the little moments of each day: the laughs, the funny Irishisms, the food, the people, the bus, the giggly times, the wildlife, the flights, the shops, the tour guide's accent, the castles, the ruins...and the sheer beauty of it all.

This trip allowed the girls to experience another culture and how to be a considerate guest in another country.  Most importantly, though, they got to spend unfettered time with their grandma, just being.

And for that, I am most grateful.

Maybe someday they'll go back to Ireland.  And if they do, whoever goes, I love knowing that they'll bring with them fond memories from this trip.

17...Dancing Queen

J turned 17 recently.  I know, it's hard to believe, especially since I am only 25. 

Last night, we had a late birthday get-together for her with our beloved Nanni at Portillo's.  It was a lot of fun.  The food was good, but mostly I loved watching Nanni with the two girls.  She has been there for them from the get-go, through everything.  The milestones, the ups and downs of life, the silly times, the not-so-silly times.  She takes such delight in these girls and has loved them fiercely since the beginning.  For our little family, Nanni has been a bastion of unconditional love, the impact of which we cannot express into words.  As the girls get older, their relationship with Nanni will evolve even more and someday I imagine them ringing her on the phone, separately, to take her out to lunch, or to meet up for coffee, or to catch the special Dr. Who movie....and nothing would make her happier.

As for J, she loves telling people that she is now the Dancing Queen.  You know, from the Abba song:

You are the dancing queen 

Young and sweet 

Only seventeen

Dancing queen

It makes me laugh every time she says this not just because it's funny, but because it's clever, cheeky, impish.  It encapsulates who she is at this moment in time. 

This girl of mine, we're so much alike in so many ways, yet so very different in others.  We're equally stubborn and sensitive, which means we often butt heads and drive each other Crazy (yes, note the capital 'C').  But you will just as easily find us dissolving into fits of giggles from our own silliness.  She's an impish teaser.  She can make me bust out laughing just by wiggling her eyebrows a certain way, and she uses this knowledge to her advantage in 'serious' situations. 

In a word, she can be delightful.  It's a description teachers often use on report cards, or how others sometimes describe her, but this year I've truly found it so.  Yes, there are the trying times and the standard, uphill parent/daughter squabbles regarding her room, helping with chores, realizing her own potential, overreliance on electronics, etc., but the silly, sweet moments far outweigh any of the other stuff.  

She's still slightly reserved in many social situations so not everyone gets to see this side of her.  Sometimes I wish she would let her guard down more, so more people could see the real her, but then I remember that everything comes in its own time.  For now, her tribe is small but loyal.  And I'm grateful.

Other things:

...she loves cooing over cute kids, especially babies.

...she loves going to the mall in part to ogle (and possibly pet) the cute puppies.

...she loves discovering new music.  On her playlist now is Alanis Morissette.

...she loves classic things. Seriously.  For example:

• current favorite car:  red VW Beetle convertible (sorry old love Corvette)

• current favorite Pinterest/Etsy/Ebay finds:  vintage or vintage-inspired tea sets

• period dresses in any Jane Austen movie, specifically, the dresses worn by Emma in the 2009 BBC adaptation (the one where Jonny Lee Miller plays Mr. Knightley)

• loves classic rock and shares a love for the Beatles with her dad, including the Beatles parody movie, The Rutles

• loves Monty Python movies (a love she also shares with her dad and, recently, with little sis)

• loves Jane Austen novels and movies (shares this love with me! Yay!)

...she is developing a love for almost all things French.  I'm so grateful for the two wonderful French teachers she's had in high school.  They've helped open her eyes to French culture, French cuisine (note: she did not fancy frog legs or escargot in Paris last year), cinema, fashion.  She even switched her phone to French settings.  She is in 3rd year French but this semester her French teacher asked her to be the TA for her 2nd year students.  Ouais!

...she loves musicals and has introduced K and me to so many different types.  One of K's favorite songs is from Phantom of the Opera.  J introduced us to the magic of Lin Manuel-Miranda's Hamilton and I would say for a good year or so we had the Hamilton soundtrack on repeat.  Her grandma surprised her with Hamilton tickets last year.  I should have videotaped her reaction.  They caught the show in Chicago, just the two of them, and they had a really wonderful time. 

...she and her friends love to sing.  This year she was part of a fun barbershop quartet with three friends and they knocked their rendition of "Under the Boardwalk" out of the park at competition this winter.

...she is a loyal friend and has loyal friends.  Middle school and high school can be so trying.  She's found a small group of friends who seem to really get each other.  

...her favorite home-cooked foods are:

• Pasta y Fagioli soup (Cosimo & Susie recipe)
• Tomato orecchiette salad
• Chicken parmesan 
• Grilling by dad
• Dad's meatloaf with brown sugar/ketchup glaze
• Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft, Pasta Roni White Cheddar Shells and Cheese)
• Any desserts by Grandma or Megan
• Grandma's lasagna with Grandpa's sauce
• Mandu

...her favorite drinks are:

• Mountain Dew (regular & Baha Blast)
• Twinings black tea
• Apple Juice (Martinelli or regular Martin's Supermarket brand)
• Ginger Ale (Canada Dry)

...her favorite snacks are:

• Popcorn
• Brie or camenbert cheese and crackers

...she has a renewed interest and zeal for cooking and baking.  She and little sis love to watch the cooking shows on the Food Network, like Chopped or Cupcake Wars.  

...her favorite actor (I would say) is Tom Hiddleston (I think she has a thing for Brits).

...she is really good at creating things with her phone.  I think this is generational.  I'm sure all of her friends are the same.  But she literally created a poster for a class project all from various apps on her phone.  And it looks really professional! I'm gonna try to get her to teach me some of the stuff she knows. ;)

...she is AMAZING at voice impressions.  Seriously!  She gets tired of me asking her to please do her Julia Child voice again but, I kid you not, it cracks me up every.single.time.  She cracks her friends up, too, so it's not just me being biased.  Ask her to do her Delores Umbridge impression -- or better yet, Umbridge's mother or Voldemort -- from A Very Potter Musical (a musical parody of the Harry Potter books).  She will surprise you.  It's hi-lar-i-ous.

...she sometimes calls me 'Mierma' in a Russian accent -- usually when she wants something  and is trying to soften me up   -.-

And, finally, her "favorite" quote from me (often my response when she asks me for yet another thing):  "I birthed you, I'm pretty sure that's enough."

Somehow I'm always met with eye rolls when I say this.

J, if you ever read this, all these things and more make you so very interesting and delightfully fun.  Stay true to yourself.  Laugh as much as you can.  Let things go.  Choose love.  Forgive.  Avoid perfectionism.  Dream, but then take action.  Fail fast and often so you can learn what worked and what didn't.  Embrace growth mindset versus perfection.  

And, finally, take to heart the words of the comedian, Jim Carrey:

"My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that that was possible for him.  And so he made a conservative choice.  Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. 

I learned many great things from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

2014 Commencement Speech

University of Maharishi University of Management

YouTube Link: https://youtu.be/V80-gPkpH6M 

Much love,

Mierma

And then it was 4 years later...

Why do all of my posts start with, "I can't believe it's been 'x' many months since I've last posted..."

My name is Kari, and it's been 2 years since I last posted (and even then it really wasn't me, it was my daughter).  I first started this blog nine years ago when my youngest was two and a half.  She's now eleven.  My oldest was in 3rd grade, and she's now a junior in high school.  I recently rediscovered this blog and read through all the entries with both girls.  I thought they might be bored, but they LOVED reading about the little versions of themselves.  I so wish I had kept up this blog through the years, even if only a post or two a month.  The memories I could have chronicled....the daily laughs I could have memorialized.

Sigh.

I questioned whether I should restart this blog.  I mean, my kids are getting older.  They are more private.  I'm more private.  My kids love the stories of themselves when they were little, but now...?

Even though they are older, one day they may like looking back at snapshots of their current day selves.  This blog might help fill in some blanks or add a richness to their lives...documented from a different perspective.

So, here I am.  Let's start with yesterday.

Yesterday, my oldest knocks on my bedroom door where my husband and I are talking and asks for the recipe for the Tuna Fish Casserole we were going to have for dinner.  "I'm going to make dinner tonight. You and Dad rest."

She was quite adamant about making dinner herself, so I reeled off the recipe.  Before she left she asked if she could make Dave or I any tea or coffee.

It's moments like these when Dave and I realize that our girls are, in fact, getting older.  J brought me tea in one of the fancy tea cups she scored at a local thrift shop, and brought Dave a cup of steaming coffee.  I didn't know until later that she and K were having tea downstairs as well, using the teapot that K got from Grandma.

It was so nice.

Dinner was delicious.  I washed the dishes.  We watched the first Harry Potter movie (Sorcerer's Stone) and I'm sure I annoyed the girls with how often I exclaimed just how very little and cute Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson were in that very first movie.  But I'm a mom.  I couldn't help thinking how much the actors have grown since, and how both my daughters have grown right along with them.

I have been trying very hard to establish a nighttime routine for myself, similar to the routines I had for the girls when they were little.  I'm trying to unplug at least 30-60 minutes before bed, and to read a little before turning in.  I have been reading Grit by Angela Duckworth.  I caught Angela Duckworth's TedTalk on how a person's 'grit' is a much more accurate predictor of success than talent or passion.  Her findings are based on scientific studies and years of analyzing extremely high achieving individuals.  I'm only a third of the way through, but her findings give me hope that anyone can achieve their self-defined notion of success if they are willing to put in the targeted, purposeful practice/training/work over years of time in furtherance of their goals.  I'm sure I'll write more about this book in coming posts.

Today

Are fish net gloves okay to wear to a Catholic school?  K, my youngest, had a dress down day today.  She came down looking super cute in her rainbow colored skirt, long gray tee and knee-hi white socks.

And then there were the blue fishnet fingerless gloves that went to her elbows. You know, the kind Madonna made super popular in the 80s.

Between you and me, K looked really cute in the gloves, and I could tell she felt they made her outfit.  But I had one of those 'mom' moments.  I didn't want to squelch her funky sense of style, but I also wanted her to dress respectfully.

"Are you sure you're allowed to wear those to school?" I asked. "You know, 'cause it's a Catholic school and all?"

"What's the matter with these gloves?" replied K. "How are they not appropriate?"

She had a good question.  Was there anything that could be inherently disrespectful about fingerless gloves?  Possibly the fact they were fishnet...?  But she got them at Claire's at the mall--a store specifically designed for tweens.

In the end, K wore the gloves to school.  I warned her that if the gloves became a distraction for her at school then she might be asked to take them off.  If she wore them just like she wore her socks or her shirt, then I couldn't imagine a problem.  She happily understood.

The entire time I was having this conversation, I was reminded of all the crazy things I wore to school.  Boxers and t-shirts...yep.  Long underwear under cut off jean skirts...yes.  Sweatshirts with the collars cut out so I could expose a bare, tank-topped shoulder...yes.  In the era of Madonna and Michael Jackson, I sure did don those fishnet hair ribbons and rocked the one fingerless glove look along with the rest of my friends.

The difference is, K's friends don't necessarily dress like her, but she doesn't care.  She owns her style.  And to me, that's what's truly cool.

K, I hope you always follow your own style and embrace being you. You have some really lovely, silly, giggly, crazy, LOUD ;), imaginative, sweet, and fiercely loyal friends who get you and love you for who you are.  Keep them close.  They are your tribe.  Be for them what they are for you.

Remember, friendships, even super close ones, will have ups and downs, but with the right nurturing they can be your friends for life. 

And at the end of the day, it's the relationships you form that will bring you the most happiness.

Life can get crazy, and sometimes you will slip and fall.  You may sometimes feel as if you've forgotten who the "real you" is.

When that happens, just cling tight to your tribe.

We will pick you up and help you dust off your crown.

We will remind you.

XOXOXO,

Mom

The older Kate

In K's own words:

I am Kate, daughter of Kari. I couldn't write before on this blog because I was far too young, but my sister, Jackie, has before. I am nine years old and in third grade. I like to play soccer. I like to go to school activities. I love to read books (especially comics). I like to make up stories. And I get really creative, sometimes. My sister wants to be in a lot of plays, and so do I.

When I grow up I want to own a restaurant to make people happy, but I'm afraid it won't come true because it takes a lot of work. So so much work.

My teacher is named Miss Dillon, and guess what? She was also my soccer coach! And the teacher who is next-door is Mr. Raker who is so funny! My best friend is named Emily. And my other friend is named Ben. His dad works with my grandma.

My favorite color is ice blue. My favorite season is summer because I get to play with my friends, go to the beach, and eat ice cream!!!! And most of all, having fun!

It's so much fun writing this blog with my mom. That's all about me so far... except, if you have french fries, save one for me. (With no ketchup. I don't like ketchup)

Signed,
Your Angel Cake, Kate

FROM MOM: Dear Angel Cake, I loved your blog post!! You will look back at this one day and laugh and smile at this snapshot of your life when you were 9 years old. Never, never change. You are so funny, and silly, and kind, and funny, and sweet, and funny (did I say that yet?). We love every bit of you.

Mother's Day

Has it really been almost four years since I was last in this space?

 A lot has happened in that time. Some good, some bad. Some sweet, some sad. We have been blessed throughout.

K is finishing up third grade, and J, her freshman year of high school. As cliche as it sounds, where did the time go?  I wish I could go back and really take the time to document all the special moments we've had.  I would've uploaded more photos, videos, and taken more silly little tests like the Jane Austen test I took with J all those years ago.

My girls and I recently rediscovered this blog. For years, I thought it was lost in cyberspace.  When I finally remembered the URL and figured out how to log back in, a treasure trove of memories awaited us.

I'm so thrilled to have these little snapshots of time, and kick myself for all those I missed.  I wonder what my girls will remember of their childhood.  I wonder what stories will become the family folklore, you know, the ones that only come out at big family gatherings.  Will they say, "Oh yeah, mom was always so crazy about that?"  Will they say, with knowing glances, "We are lucky to be normal."

There are, of course, so many things I wish I could go back and redo.  Those country songs about loving deeper and riding a bull named Fu Manchu are so spot on.  At the end of the day, all each of us really wants is to know that when we leave this earth we will have touched people and made lives better.  All I really ever wanted was for my girls to know that I love them more than anything.  I wish I could've been a more nurturing, stronger, fierce mama bear type of mother.

My hope and prayer is that each of my girls will know, no matter what they're going through, that they have number one fans at home.

My other hope, and I tell my girls this often, is that even after we're gone they know they have each other.

I pray that they're the ones each other turns to when they need a friend, advice, or just someone to talk to.

I pray they have coffee dates, time away dates together.

I pray they never forget that they have each other. 

I pray they stay close.

Sunburst 2012

Today, Dave and two of his brothers, John and Joe, participated in the Sunburst 5k Family Walk.  All have been really working on watching their weight, and this walk together was a fun way for the three of them to bond while exercising.

John and Joe stopped at our house first to put on their shirts, pin on their numbers and visit for a bit.
Afterward, they went out for breakfast.

What a fun way to spend time with family.